Recovery?
boney_ballerina

I think I'm almost to 100% recovered. I am vegan and started doing yoga. With the yoga, I have to keep telling myself that I intend it to be used to keep me aligned spiritually. Not as a workout. It's really helping already. I'm feeling more honest with myself. I hope that it'll turn into a completely new carli. Happy and healthy. I have high hopes. Hang in there. I never thought this day would come. I love you all <3

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Changes
boney_ballerina

Day off. Bored. Haven't eaten anything yet and it's almost 1. I could really go for a glass of wine but after I had a really bad night.. Trying to cut back.
I don't know how I've let myself get this way. I'm not UNhappy with myself but I'm not pleased either ( personality not weight-wise; I'm still incredibly unhappy with my weight ). But I just don't like how I act sometimes. It's not me. I've never been bitchy or passive aggressive and lately I see that come out every once in a while. I don't know what it is.

I don't clean as much
I don't take care of myself like I used to
I don't have a routine
I don't feel helpful
I'm not as open minded
I'm not spontaneous anymore

I need to change. And of course when I think about it and write it out I make all these plans to do it more but when the chance comes around, I revert to this "new carli".

I think my first step should be to get more items to take care of myself. Since we got the house, I'm so concerned with money that I never spend it on myself. I don't even have body wash :/ I need to get some things that'll make me feel good. Like exfoliater, body wash, my own loofa, SHAVING CREAM, mouth wash and better lotion.
Then I'm going to start doing laundry on a certain day, lets say every Monday. And doing the dishes before we go to bed NO MATTER WHAT.
I think having a routine will correct a lot of these problems. When I had to leave school and take complete responsibility of my life, I couldn't have a routine. I had to be flexible. That was fine because I stayed me. But now I can have a sense of control and steadiness. I just haven't gone back to it and its made me a different person I think.
When I'm done with this entry, I'm going to do laundry and make a list of things to get at the store on Thursday when I get paid. Then I'll do the dishes and take a hot shower.
I also need to journal more. It helps.

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Friday
boney_ballerina

Christmas pictures with David tomorrow. I'm fasting today so I'll look good for him. I'm so tired.... Only 5 more minutes left on my lunch break (yes at 9:30am) and then off to deal with more patients.... I need a nap!!
And to lose 10lbs

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Uhhh
boney_ballerina

I remember reading posts a few years ago from 20+ users, thinking to myself "when I'm that old, I will either be thin enough or recovered." Well I'm recently 22 and I'm not thin enough, nor completely recovered.
That sucks.

I'm back on. Hello Ana. How have you been?

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Careless
boney_ballerina

He doesn't care. I lost 10lbs and he acts like im so hott but then he does NOTHING! He doesn't care. About me... I went back to Ana FOR him and now I'm lost in her. I'm stuck. I missed out on recovery to be sexy and now I'll stay sick for the rest of my life all because I thought he had forgot our connection.
He didn't forget tho.. He just doesn't care

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Fml
boney_ballerina

The five year anniversary of my abortion when I was 16. It's been a bad day.

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(15)
boney_ballerina

Down 2.2lbs from yesterday. About to go to work. I have become a master at not eating the whole shift :D. I still need to lose 7.8lbs by Monday but I work everyday and being a waitress, I'm always running around up there so all I'm having now is black coffee. Tonight I'll have sugar free jello cup and broth.

4 days til I need to be at my gw! And I'm buying a new swimsuit today so that'll be great motivation :) love you!!!!!!

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(100)
boney_ballerina

5 days into ABC and I've already plateaued! What? Well today is the 100 cal day so hopefully it'll get me back on track. I need to lose ten more pounds...

Today I've had a cup of tea, 3 blueberries, and a cup of coffee. The rest of the day I'm eating sugar free jello, broth, and iceberg lettuce.
I
Will
Be
Tiny!

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(300)
boney_ballerina

Haven't had anything but ice water, 2 cups of coffee, and a piece of gum. At 4 I have to go up to David's work to eat lunch with him. He's starting to notice things so he said he's making me a sandwich.... I'll have to talk him out of it because tonight I'm making a dinner that will be about 180 calories so that only leaves 120 for the day.

I wonder what kind of sandwich it'll be?

Other note: I cleaned the kitchen all morning and am going to try and clean the living room and our bedroom too. It's keeping me busy. I need to be busy or I'll start freaking out about the swimsuit I'll be wearing on our anniversary trip :(

I need a cigarette. I don't think I'm going to clean anymore until after lunch with David. I'll want to be moving around after that. So I don't know what I want to do now?? Cigarette.

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(300)
boney_ballerina

Lost 3.5lbs in one day. Yes. Let's hope for 4lbs in the morning.

I will
Be
Tiny

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