Day off. Bored. Haven't eaten anything yet and it's almost 1. I could really go for a glass of wine but after I had a really bad night.. Trying to cut back.
I don't know how I've let myself get this way. I'm not UNhappy with myself but I'm not pleased either ( personality not weight-wise; I'm still incredibly unhappy with my weight ). But I just don't like how I act sometimes. It's not me. I've never been bitchy or passive aggressive and lately I see that come out every once in a while. I don't know what it is.
I don't clean as much
I don't take care of myself like I used to
I don't have a routine
I don't feel helpful
I'm not as open minded
I'm not spontaneous anymore
I need to change. And of course when I think about it and write it out I make all these plans to do it more but when the chance comes around, I revert to this "new carli".
I think my first step should be to get more items to take care of myself. Since we got the house, I'm so concerned with money that I never spend it on myself. I don't even have body wash :/ I need to get some things that'll make me feel good. Like exfoliater, body wash, my own loofa, SHAVING CREAM, mouth wash and better lotion.
Then I'm going to start doing laundry on a certain day, lets say every Monday. And doing the dishes before we go to bed NO MATTER WHAT.
I think having a routine will correct a lot of these problems. When I had to leave school and take complete responsibility of my life, I couldn't have a routine. I had to be flexible. That was fine because I stayed me. But now I can have a sense of control and steadiness. I just haven't gone back to it and its made me a different person I think.
When I'm done with this entry, I'm going to do laundry and make a list of things to get at the store on Thursday when I get paid. Then I'll do the dishes and take a hot shower.
I also need to journal more. It helps.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.